Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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