Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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