he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
