I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize