Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
