please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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