i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
