Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
