Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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