i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
