In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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