He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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