I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
