Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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