Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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