She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
