who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
