I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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