We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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