Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The air taste purple.
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