You just made me feel so damn special
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize