summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
