You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
