I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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