she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize