I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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