you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
