I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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