google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
