tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
