my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
