I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
