i wish my penis had a tongue
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
