All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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