if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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