Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's like iHOP with fire
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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