Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
