girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
