i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
