Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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