just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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