i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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