Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize