I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize