The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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