I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
