Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
