the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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