Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
