I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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