Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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