can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize