all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
