Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
