Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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