dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
