Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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