This is not my ceiling
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
