Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
PANTIES FOUND
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