I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
