please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
