Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
