Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
