This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
