maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
