Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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