You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
