When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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