he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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