You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
