fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
