____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
